Lets Smile English Jokes
Two Friends Quarreled
Two friends got into an argument. One slapped the other very hard.
The one who got slapped asked: “Did you slap me in anger or just as a joke?”
The first replied: “With great anger.”
The second said: “Thank God, not as a joke. I could never tolerate such jokes!”
Teacher and Student
Teacher: “What will happen if the sun rises at night?”
Student: “That would be terrible, sir. We’d have to go to school at night too!”
Winter vs. Summer
Teacher (to student): “Give an example showing that things shrink in winter and expand in summer.”
Student: “Sir, in summer the holidays expand to three months, but in winter they shrink to just fifteen days.”
Tailor and Customer
Customer: “How much cloth will be needed for my coat?”
Tailor: “Six meters.”
Customer: “But the tailor next door only asked for five and a half meters.”
Tailor: “That’s because his son is just one year old, mine is three years old.”
Man and Mosquito
A man lit a mosquito coil at night and was sleeping peacefully. Suddenly, he heard the familiar buzzing of a mosquito. Surprised, he wondered how the mosquito got so close despite the coil. Half asleep, he quickly caught it in his fist.
Just before he could crush it, the mosquito pleaded:
“Mercy, master, mercy! I would never dare disturb your sleep. I only came to inform you that… your coil has finished burning!”
Master and Servant
Master (to servant): “Never pick up anything without my permission.”
Servant (a little later): “Sir! The young master has fallen into a pit. May I pick him up?”
Father and Son
Father: “Son, study hard. Exams are right on your head.”
Son: “But father, right now it’s you standing on my head.”
Boy at the Shop
Boy: “Do you have soap?”
Shopkeeper: “Yes.”
Boy: “Then wash your hands first, and give me two kilos of sugar.”
Bus or Walking
Father: “Son, should we walk or take the bus?”
Son: “As you wish, father. But if we walk, please carry me in your arms.”
The Trader’s Anger
One day a trader scolded his workers harshly:
“You people have no fear of God left! Shame on you! Leaving the finest bricks aside, you are mixing cheap bricks into the chilies!”
